Friday, January 1, 2016

2016: A Vow to the Worry Wart

I am a worrier.

I have always been this way, despite my parents best efforts. I worry about the big things, the small things, and the in between things. I have been this way since I can remember. I am also a hopeful person, its just that the worries have a way of creeping in. Worry wart extraordinaire.

In 2015 I got a little bit better about my worrying through many conscious efforts. It was one of my goals. Believe that things will work out. Have more faith. Worry less, live more. It's a great motto.

I made a dent in this goal for 2015. My worries were washed away time and time again this year.

For 2 years we have been searching high and low for a Bernese Mountain Dog. We have been on every list possible and been let down time and time again.  I was about to give up hope and tell Andrew to just go to the pound, when we got a call Christmas Eve to say our fur baby was born and would be ready for us in February... 

As two entrepreneurs, Andrew and I can't rely on a weekly pay stub.  If we don't get a job, we don't get paid, and we can't pay our bills. Insert worry wart here. Time and time again I worry about getting that next gig. The phone will be silent for what seems like years, and then it rings. Huge sigh of relief. All is right in the world again. 

We are in the heart of Thailand, off the beaten path, in a bus station where NO ONE speaks English and nothing is written in English. We have to make it to the elephant park by 1pm or we have to turn back and our day has been a wash. We are waiting on the "green bus" for over an hour.  We finally secure tickets through lots of pointing and drawings. It was supposed to arrive in 15 minutes. I am on the verge of tears. The green bus pulls up. We get to see these magnificent creatures. 

Andrew did lots of "I told you so dances". And I occasionally let loose and told myself, even if we didn't have a plan, it'd all work out.  I have a hard time with that concept. Just believing that everything will fall into place. Not having a plan could send me into anaphylactic shock.

The annoying thing is, despite my doubts and worries, it almost always works out. My worrying serves no purpose other than to cause distractions, unnecessary stress, and deprive me of joy and just plain, old fashioned living. I see everything so neatly placed in a box with everything to be checked off for the future. It just doesn't happen that way. But then again, it does.

So my vow to the worry wart this new year is that I continue to be reminded of the joys that surround me and how these things came to be. That I continue pursuing my goal to worry less, live more. And that I take the time to step back from it all and have some good 'ole fashioned faith.

Cheers to 2016!

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